Have you been there...scared to work through the pain...and even more scared to NOT work through it? Scared to speak out loud some of the things that you think...scared to say you have hurts...when all around you there are people who hurt so much worse than you possibly could? Feeling guilty for the the feelings I'm struggling with when I, myself have been forgiven for far worse...yet coming to the understanding that the fact is I am struggling...and I need help to overcome this...and I will...you are reading my first day of writing...but sometime you will be reading the last...when the Lord has had the victory in this...I can say with full assurance...than just like Joseph...what the enemy intended for evil...God uses for good...
I've started a journey with the Lord's help and guidance...I've found a christian counselor...I just want to have my head straight again...ever feel that way? I want to journal through this process...whether this every is "published" or not I can't say...I hope someday my husband and my kids can see this...see that God is bigger than what we face...whether that be demons externally or those that are internal.
So my journey begins...I've already learned a few things about myself...such as...I'm not sure who I am...I know as a child...the little girl that lived at home was not herself...I was so busy...for the most part trying to please...or trying to be invisible...begging one to not leave...and hating the other for being there...afraid to be loud or to laugh and giggle...my husband doesn't know how to NOT laugh...me on the other hand...had to be taught...I do laugh now...I do have joy now...even in my struggles now...I have peace...an unexplainable peace...
I also know that I have people around me that love me...I have an amazing husband...who...honestly in the eyes of the world...should have left this crazy a long time ago...and yet he is here...by my side...encouraging...trying to understand...and trying to support anyway possible...my kids...by the grace of God...have forgiven me and love me...my grandbabies love me and oh how I love them...each one with their unique personalities that they have...I have friends...something I never really truly had until I was an adult...but I have them now...and I'm thankful for them...
2 stories keep running through my mind this morning as I type...the story of Joseph...his brothers intended evil against him...and yet Joseph stayed true to the Lord...and many years later Joseph was able to see the God had a bigger plan...I believe my enemy desires to destroy but God has a bigger plan...and the story of Moses...he has lead the children of Israel out of Egypt and the army is on their tail...the army on one side...the red sea on the other...then Moses tells the people this...
But Moses said to the people, "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. "The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent." Exodus 14:14-13.
It's time for me to believe God is fighting for me...and once he takes me through the raging sea...I will not have to see this again!
I'm terrified and yet never been so ready...Lord...thank You for all You are...creator, sustainer, almighty, defender, savior, fortress, refuge...HOPE~1/11/2016
I've started a journey with the Lord's help and guidance...I've found a christian counselor...I just want to have my head straight again...ever feel that way? I want to journal through this process...whether this every is "published" or not I can't say...I hope someday my husband and my kids can see this...see that God is bigger than what we face...whether that be demons externally or those that are internal.
So my journey begins...I've already learned a few things about myself...such as...I'm not sure who I am...I know as a child...the little girl that lived at home was not herself...I was so busy...for the most part trying to please...or trying to be invisible...begging one to not leave...and hating the other for being there...afraid to be loud or to laugh and giggle...my husband doesn't know how to NOT laugh...me on the other hand...had to be taught...I do laugh now...I do have joy now...even in my struggles now...I have peace...an unexplainable peace...
I also know that I have people around me that love me...I have an amazing husband...who...honestly in the eyes of the world...should have left this crazy a long time ago...and yet he is here...by my side...encouraging...trying to understand...and trying to support anyway possible...my kids...by the grace of God...have forgiven me and love me...my grandbabies love me and oh how I love them...each one with their unique personalities that they have...I have friends...something I never really truly had until I was an adult...but I have them now...and I'm thankful for them...
2 stories keep running through my mind this morning as I type...the story of Joseph...his brothers intended evil against him...and yet Joseph stayed true to the Lord...and many years later Joseph was able to see the God had a bigger plan...I believe my enemy desires to destroy but God has a bigger plan...and the story of Moses...he has lead the children of Israel out of Egypt and the army is on their tail...the army on one side...the red sea on the other...then Moses tells the people this...
But Moses said to the people, "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. "The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent." Exodus 14:14-13.
It's time for me to believe God is fighting for me...and once he takes me through the raging sea...I will not have to see this again!
I'm terrified and yet never been so ready...Lord...thank You for all You are...creator, sustainer, almighty, defender, savior, fortress, refuge...HOPE~1/11/2016
